BRYCE HARPER WATCH: Phillies Are Favorited At Even Money To Land The Superstar Stud

Bryce you beautiful bastard! Not only are you chiseled like a Greek God with the hair of a Roman Deity, you’re as noble and as kind as a Disney Prince. I apologize that one of our lesser, non-important bloggers at Barstool said you’d be better off without your wife, but that won’t happen if you were to come to the good side. Also, imagine how far this MAMMOTH shot would travel in Philly:

Am I doing this right? No real insight or humor but just saying the same thing over and over and posting a moonshot every two months I “Blog” about my baseball team? Just trying to learn how this Bryce Blogging works. I don’t blame others for being head over their hooves for Bryce. Who wouldn’t want him on their team? If it actually made a difference for him signing with the Phils, I’d sell my soul and join/fondle #TeamPortnoy in a nanosecond. I’ve done a lot worse for a lot less.

For real though, will Harper be gracing the Phillies OF come 2019? The same sources who told me Kenny Britt was in AC bragging about signing with the Eagles and LeBron visiting local Philly schools for his kids made him a LOCK for the Sixers say…maybe? I don’t know. Sure, we’d all take Bryce in a heartbeat. “Bro-ness” aside, he could possibly crank 80 out of CBP in a season with that sweet, sweet can of a a swing. Never gonna happen, but it would be real swell if this team features the likes of Nola, Harper, Hoskins, Machado, and Trout all on the same lineup card. Real swell. Those dark days decades of Phillies history when they’d feature “Stars” the likes of Desi Relaford, Wendell McGee, Jr, and Rod Barajas would officially be forgotten Do the right thing, Bryce. Do it.

PS – Flashback to a Tweet that launched someone into a spaz and ultimately ended a life 2+ years later. Almost gonna be right, too.